How to enjoy your session.
A step-by-step guide for those with pre-session nerves...
You may think that only clients get nervous before meeting a new provider, but I can earnestly say that my nerves are wracked before a first-time meeting with a new date. Chemistry is the core of why I love what I do. There’s nothing more titillating than your hot new crush making you feel fireworks when you touch. When I feel a strong mutual desire, it pushes me to a new level of openness. Once I feel more open, the ecstatic joy of erotic pleasure takes me to a new level, and I always bring my suitors and subs there with me.
I am a warm person, and do my best to melt away any “bad anxiety,” the kind that leaves you second guessing or unable to communicate needs, before we get into the more stimulating parts of our time together. It can be such a letdown when those kind of hinderances prevent authentic connection. Try as we might, providers are not mind readers. Communication is a two-way street, and it takes effort from both parties to accomplish a good time together.
Oftentimes newcomers, and even people with more experience, find themselves lost when it comes to the introductory session. The anxiety and self consciousness of a first-impression can get in the way of good communication, which is key to enjoying your session. Even worse, some people come in with a “to-do list” of activities in their head, but do not communicate their desires to the person they’re seeing. For those of you who find yourselves clamming up once you step into the room, fear not, this post is for you.
Step One: Know what you want out of the time together.
Contrary to popular belief, fantasy fulfillment isn’t the only reason people book providers. Even if that were true, the depth and range of human sexuality is so vast that there are infinite forms of fantasies.
Know the details of your desires. When you really think about why you’re seeing that special muse, what comes to mind? Maybe you liked their interests and want to talk about the latest movie you watched while cuddling with them. Maybe you have a thing for big titty brunettes with lots of tattoos and want to admire their body art. Maybe you noticed that a provider specializes in that one kink that drives you over the edge. Maybe you have a specific fantasy in mind, or maybe you want good old fashioned passion and found a hot provider that checks all your boxes.
Either way, having an idea of what you want, and the right words to describe it, is the first step to getting what you need from a session.
Step Two: Respectfully communicate what you want.
Sometimes we know exactly what we’re looking for in a provider, but get tripped up on the way to share it with them. This makes sense! These sorts of rendezvous require thoughtful discretion and respectful communication at all the right times. Here’s some key tips to communicating with providers before the session:
Avoid graphic descriptions, especially in booking forms, or initial emails. If you are worried that a provider does not fulfill your specific desires and you don’t know how to ask before your time together, take a deep breath and check their website, social media, and ads for any context clues. If the answer remains unclear, take a deep breath and see step two.
Follow screening protocols and ask about consultation calls. If you are concerned about making sure that your chosen date or domme will connect with you behind closed doors, a consultation call might be what you need. A consultation call is usually a 5-10 minute conversation where provider and client can talk voice-to-voice and check compatibility. It can be something that a provider does as a complimentary service, or something they charge for. If you;’re trying to make a good impression, a tip or a gift from the wishlist always goes a long way. Either way, make sure you’re ready to work with what they ask. When you speak with a provider on the phone, graphic details and questions off the bat are considered bad etiquette. If you want to be sure your specific desire will be met, I recommend asking consent before describing what you want. It can be as simple as saying “I have a specific fantasy in mind. Is it okay if I give you details to see if it’s something you’re interested in doing?” Mutual commitment to discretion and consent is going to be key to building trust over the phone. Expect your provider to have boundaries around details they provide, and respect those decisions.
Come to your first session ready to talk first. When I’m meeting someone new, I like to sit down and get to know each other for a few minutes first. If you’re not sure if your provider will do this, ask for it when you walk in the door. These first few minutes of conversation will help set the pace for the rest of the session. Use it as a time to talk about how you’re feeling, what you’re looking for, and if there’s anything else you need your provider to know before diving in. In person, at the start of your session, is the best place to ask questions about details and if a provider does something you’re interested in. If the answer’s yes, it might be the perfect segue into the next phase of your session…
Step Three: Know what you need.
Knowing what you want and what you need out of time with your dream girl are two very different things. Sure, attraction and desire are key, but emotional needs are another component of sessions. Here’s what to consider when figuring out your needs in session.
Communicate medical needs, mental health needs, or needs around neurodivergency. If you’re going to see a hot domme in town, you might want to let her know about your latex allergy and bad knees before walking into her dungeon! Similarly, if you are a particularly anxious or fearful person, your provider will likely be better at calming you if they know to anticipate this. Maybe you’re someone who has a hard time reading emotional/social cues— this will be good for your provider to know. Having medical, mental health, and social needs accounted for will inform your provider on how to best connect with you.
Having a hard time? Say so. Sometimes people book providers to step away from more stressful parts of their everyday life. It is certainly part of your provider’s goals to cheer you up and make you feel like a million bucks as you walk out of your session, but we are not mind readers! If you’re going through a hard time and need a little more cuddling than usual, let us know. If you’re getting caught up in your head in the middle of a hot scene, tell us. If you’re feeling down and just want someone to talk to, say so. We might not have the exact answer for what you need, but telling us what you’re feeling in the moment will help us make you feel better.
Book enough time for relaxed enjoyment. If you like to talk with your hot crush before and/or after the deed is done, make sure you book a date that takes this into account! If you have a fantasy with multiple components, or want just want to take your sweet time enjoying each other, go for the two or three hour booking. There’s nothing worse than feeling rushed to get everything done! If things feel rushed in the session, ask if extending is an option. If you’re not sure how much time you’ll need to have a good session, ask your provider.
Step Four: Go with the flow.
Sometimes people show up to sessions with a long “to-do list” of activities. While it’s important to engage your fantasy in the session, prescribing a list of activities can put unnecessary pressures on you and the provider to get them all done. A good session will strike a balance between fantasy fulfillment and organic pacing. During your session, you may find yourself unexpectedly enjoying something you’ve never tried before, after all, isn’t self-discovery part of what makes a good session worth it? Be open to trying new things. If there’s activities that feel necessary for you to experience, refer to steps one, two, and three so your provider can take this into account during your time together.
Step Five: Provide Feedback.
After you’ve left the space and had time to reflect, email your provider to thank them for their time and let them know how you feel! Be sure to respect boundaries by keeping the email concise and polite, and make sure maintain discretion by avoiding graphic description. Again, if you want to make a really good impression, a tip or a gift from the wishlist always goes a long way…
If you see the same provider again, a great time to provide feedback is at the beginning of your next session. That way, letting them know what you loved and what you could do without will be fresh in their mind. I always appreciate feedback from those who see me regularly. It helps keep the connection strong.
I know this all may seem like a lot, but I promise that the steps tend to easily fit together when you do them right. Communication is key, and leads to better chemistry. I hope these tips lead you to a more fulfilling session with the provider of your dreams.
XX
Lilith Golde